New Year goals

I'm not entirely sure why we humans do it to ourselves really - essentially throw a dart at the calendar, and declare it New Year's Eve, as if tomorrow we'll wake up in 2020 and for some incomprehensible reason, everything will be different, new, better. And yet I'll go along with it like the rest of the world, tune into the fireworks (suitably inebriated I hope), get quietly emotional as the hour approaches, thinking not only of the past year, but of every past year shunting one more notch backwards into ever-dimming memory. Perhaps it's time to start viewing life as one long string of days, rather than apportioning them up into bite-sized sections, easily boxed-up and stacked on the high shelves of the brain's Hanger 51. Would it be easier then? And heavens Nich, you're in a jolly mood today!

Actually my mood's ok today and do you know why? Because despite my misgivings, I know that 2020 will be different. Here's the thing - I finally get it. I finally figured out a few of those questions that have been knocking around my mind for a while. They may not be answers exactly, but at least I've worked out a roadmap, which my goals this year can really help address.

In New Years past, I've become accustomed to setting reading goals, and equally accustomed to failing them. This year, I want my goals to be more beneficial, long-lasting and meaningful, so that they revolve around the cares and interests in my life.  To this end, I actually started some of my resolutions early this year. Here's what I've got:

1. Make more of an effort to appreciate others and improve my connection with them. See previous blog entries.

2. Bound up in the above, I am resolved to keep my expectations of others realistic. People are busy, forgetful, or sometimes just don't care. I aim to be understanding, but also honest and realistic about these.

3. I am resolved to dedicate more time to the interests and passions that I feel I've neglected in recent years. I aim to study more history this year, to visit more archaeological sites, to enjoy the types of visits that thrilled me so much as a student. And I want to contextualise these by reading more around the subject. I'm hoping this blog will help me in this goal, acting as a focal point to share my trips and discoveries!

4. Ok so I just criticised reading goals a bit, but it wouldn't be New Year without one. So I'm setting the goal at 25 books of a 'high brow' nature. We'll see...

So that's my goals set down in writing for 2020. What are your resolutions, and how do you intend to keep them alive this coming year?

Merry Christmas (a tale of two film quotes)

And here we are again, Christmas Eve, poised once more on the brink of the western world's biggest day of the year. I've been lucky enough to have an extended break from work this year, and have spent the time seeing friends, lingering in churches, and watching the usual array of classic films - most recently, Frank Capra's inimitable It's A Wonderful Life, charting the hard-luck life of George Bailey, who despite his best efforts and ambitions seems destined never to leave the one-horse town of Bedford Falls.

One or two people think I've gone a little bit mad recently, as I've been trying to strengthen some of my friendships, and repair others that have fallen away a little bit in recent times. It's actually another of my favourite festive films, Scrooged, that contains the line: "that's the one good thing about regret - it's never too late. You can always change tomorrow if you want to." This line rings especially true to me, this Christmas, and is something upon which to act.

Back to the trials of George Bailey, who as most readers will know, reaches the very end of his tether, as life deals him a cruel blow. His salvation, as he stands on the very edge of a bridge and considers ending it all, comes in the form of an angel-made-flesh, Clarence Odbody, who reveals to George just how the life of the townspeople would be different, had George never been born. George comes to realise just how much he loves being alive, even if he has spent life stuck in boring old Bedford Falls. It turns out that life isn't really about the places, the career, the material things, or any of the plans you make to be the best this, or the most successful that. It's actually all about the people with whom you share your one-and-only time on Earth, as evidenced at the very end of the film, where Clarence's scrawled handwriting gives us the unforgettable final conclusion of the story: "no man is a failure, who has friends".

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that, like George Bailey, I'm grateful for the wonderful people who inhabit my life, who make each day liveable, and who I'm sure would be there in my hour of greatest need. So if you've heard from me this Christmas (and a few of you have), then it's because I care about you - and about us. It might be that our relationship is in great shape; or maybe it needs a little work. Then again, perhaps we need to hit the reset button altogether. Whatever the sitiation, this Christmas I'm pretty glad you're in my life, and more determined than ever to make sure you stay in it for the long-haul. Afterall, I don't want to be a failure, or live a life of regret, and I'd like to shape tomorrow for the better, if it's in my power to do so. Will you join me?

Whoever is reading this, be you old friend or casual blog browser, I wish you a happy, peaceful, loving and blessed Christmas. May you find the true meaning of the season (hint: it's not wrapped up under the tree) and spend as much of it as possible with the ones you love.

Midnight Rocks

You say with best intention

Let's throw away convention

Set sail across the water

To find the tides of fortune

I say please understand it

Don't let our love be stranded

Upon the midnight rocks (oh yeah), upon the midnight rocks

You say there's no endeavour

We couldn't try together

No storm we couldn't weather

We'll ride the wind forever

I hear the words you've spoken

Don't let our love be broken

Upon the midnight rocks (oh yeah), upon the midnight rocks

Ah, you know, you know it's easy,

Ah, to let it go believe me,

Ah, you know, you know you feel it,

Ah, don't lose it when you need it

I know that fascination

With living each sensation

In your imagination

There is no hesitation

I know your mind is turning

Don't let our love lie burning

Upon the midnight rocks (oh yeah), upon the midnight rocks.

I know that fascination

With living each sensation

In your imagination

There is no hesitation

I say please understand it

Don't let our love be stranded

Upon the midnight rocks (oh yeah), upon the midnight rocks.

Al Stewart

When life gets you down...

...Buy classic vinyl at local music shops.

Now all I actually need is the player!

How to lose friends and influence noone - a cautionary tale

So it's fair to say that we've had our ups and downs over the years, and I suppose like all slightly tempestuous relationships, there are the storms.  I guess this time the storm washed away the foundations.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry for my role in it.  The truth is that life got in the way too much in the last few years - so much to do, so many unplanned obstacles - that I neglected our friendship too much. You may not be blameless either, but that's not the object of what I'm writing here - fair to say that when each of us came to apologise, as we have both done, we found the other was not interested in listening.

Should we meet now, you'd find me much calmer, warmer, more giving maybe, a bit more at peace with the world.  Perhaps you'd even like me still!  Maybe you'd be interested to learn about my life over the last few years, as I would yours.  If only life worked in such a way that friendships could be frozen at their peak, and thawed out later, once we had ironed out some of our imperfections and immaturities.  Then maybe you'd greet me in your familiar way, perhaps a hug, some minor pleasantries, then down to doing what we always did best, taking pleasure in the small things we saw around us, or found in the company of each other.  If only times like that, with people like you, could last forever in anything other than memory.  Perhaps if we'd have looked after one another better in reality, they could.

I offered to come up and buy you lunch recently - it was just my final throw to try and hammer out all that has passed.  If you fancy it then you have my number, the offer won't expire and you will always receive warmth and kindness from me.  But if instead our paths of friendship have finally parted for good, then I wish you nothing by happiness as you navigate your life.  For all the good times Lucy, and for whatever happens next - I may have left it too late this time, but at least I can say that I tried.

Nich X